If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
