Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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