She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
