And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
