Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
