The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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