Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
