You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
