I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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