I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
