Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
