drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
not ubering you a puppy
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
