i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize