I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
