And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I fill condoms, not promises.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
