Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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