Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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