If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
