Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
