She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
