What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He did a backflip because drugs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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