i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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