I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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