When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
