I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
