If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I want a musical about memes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
