a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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