I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
