just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
