She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
