I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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