i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
