Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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