tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
