Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
