I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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