ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
