Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
