It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Found your dick twin last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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