last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
