Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
