Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
