i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
