i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
