I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
