Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
