Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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