Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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