you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
