Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
