he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
