True but thats because hes a fetus.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
