It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
