You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
