Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I stole a fireplace last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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