He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They took my balls.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
