She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
