His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize