I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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