You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
