he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
