I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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