we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize