I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
