Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
