when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
