I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
