Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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