someone owes me an orgasm
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize