i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
