Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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