1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
